The Reluctant Gatekeeper

In a way, I have become the gatekeeper of Babu’s memories.  I don’t relish the responsibility.  On her own, her memories both have abandoned her and hold her hostage.  There is a lot she can no longer remember and even less she talks about and focuses on.  Some things she obsesses about.  One thing in…

Yes, Harper, It Is Real.

There is a moment I want to write about for one reason and one reason only.  I want to preserve it. My sister, Nicole, now comes over with her babies once a week to visit Babu.  Jade is now almost 6 and Harper is now almost 3.  (GAWD LORT IN HEAVEN!  How did that happen?)…

A Note on Caretaking

With my husband working non-stop and traveling, I’ve been holding down the fort by myself.  In truth Babu, Cort, and I have been holding down the fort.  It’s usually rare thing for him to travel, suddenly that’s all he’s doing. And I’ve been wracked with guilt.  I keep telling myself I’ll sit with her through…

Writing Wednesdays: All The Feels

Distractions!  Flowers and kittens and my dog and funny hats and clown noses.  Whatever it takes.  I’m not talking about distractions from my writing time, all I need is my phone for that.  I’m talking about distracting Babu from things that upset her.  This is more important than making her happy, it’s keeping her healthy. …

The Curious Case of Plants in the Nighttime

Sometimes Babu says something that makes me angry.  It’s not anger at her, it’s anger with myself.  It’s anger when I should have been there to help her and I wasn’t. This morning Babu wakes up, goes to the bathroom, comes out with a cheerful “dzien dobry!” and I get breakfast started as usual.  Then…

You Must Wait (reblogged)

The end of the month of the A to Z Challenge gets a little tougher.  I don’t think it has anything to do with stamina, just letters which are a little more difficult to come up wih something for.  I was search old posts for something else today and I decided i would reblog this…

X: Things I do not do

The things I do not do:  (Cross them out with an X!) I do not leave things on the floor. I try not to remind her that she has moved past the years when she can pick up things from the floor herself.  How demoralizing that must feel. I do not let her in on…

Why I do this

“Lest you forget.”  That is what Nat writes on her senior photo that she gives to Babu.  Unfortunately, this process doesn’t bring back too many memories for Babu.  Mostly what comes up when we read or look at photos are the same stories.  And even those she is starting to loose or they are starting…

Ghosts

I’ve spoken before about the ghosts in these pages.  About how the majority of the people, major roles and walk on parts a like, are no longer here.  This is the vertigo of looking into the past and getting to know those there.  It’s difficult to say but the Babu of those pages is a…

Advice to Partner Caretakers

Yesterday we had a difficult time with Babu.  For a while now, she just hasn’t been quite herself.  No eminent danger, she’s in no pain, and she will be 99 on the 11th, so we must take that into account when we see that she is sleeping most of the day and having low appetite…

How Am I Doing?

Well!  It’s the end of January and I have been posting every day!  (I’ve also been doing about 25 hours a week at Whole Foods, my day job, taking care of my gram, working on other writing projects, barely…)  I haven’t been getting much exercise, eating much healthy food, or doing much relaxing.  I’m a…

A Post a Day for a Whole Year?!?!?! What am I thinking?

Hello!  I’m writing this post on Jan 4th although it will be published on Saturday. It’s no secret that I schedule posts so that I can get a few days ahead.  This is what this post is about.  My decision to post every day this year. The problem is how good I am feeling. I…