Mornings

Our morning:

Dash out – forgot to pick up prescription.

bfast

Lay em’ all out!

face

My nemesis.  I sure there is something in here about heroin use, drought, and Trump – all things I’ll have to talk her down, away, up from.

brefast

Must fluff and flip the pillows before each time sitting down.

bfass

An unflattering pic – the daily routine can be that way.

brfast

A breakfast cobbled together to substitute for missing things.

brfass

Are you going to give me coffee?? She asked.  “Ummm,”  I say, trying to think of something witty.  It’s too early for that so I tell her I forgot and work quick to remedy that.  That’s when I realize I have no juice for her.  NO JUICE?!?!

bfas

Her view from her seat at the kitchen table.  A little bleak today.  I’ll hear her ask:  “No sun?”  all morning.  I’ll act like it’s the first time she’s asked every time and I’ll champion the rain and hope she’ll be less worried about the drought.

dishes

She piles them up nicely for me but she doesn’t wash them anymore.  It was a tough choice to take that from her, and we hear her worries about “not moving all day.”  She worries she doesn’t do anything all day but she does plenty, including exercises everyday!  But we also now make the bed for her while she’s eating breakfast.

doll

 

For now, while I’m washing the dishes, she’ll go to the bathroom and it will tucker her out and she’ll rest for a while on the couch.

Under the disguise of a very normal day are hidden considerations and concerns:

Putting her pills on the pot holder because it’s easier for her to pick up, knowing I have to lift the bird feeder so she can see the birds when she sits at the table, how anxiety inducing it is to leave the house with no one there, even if it’s to get her pills.  What if she falls?  A lackluster breakfast missing key ingredients but with a partner who has been working so much, there has been no time to get out the store.  To remembering the days when she would make her own bed, do her own dishes, make her own breakfast, and seeing those one by one change and get lost to time and age…  There is a constant shift to “This is how it is now.”  Every pill she takes all day long has come from nervous decisions, doctor’s visits with long explanations or hospital stays, trials and changes, but we worry; do we give her just too many pills?  Do they do anything to help her anyway?  Do we let her have her independence as much as possible?  But she can, and has, fallen doing things on her own.  We make and question decisions every day.

Despite, and above, these considerations and concerns, is the joy.  When she enters the kitchen, sees me and throws her arms out for a hug or in hearing her snort laughter when she reads about an escaped monkey from the zoo.  It’s in the way we give love, picking blueberries from the yard and putting it into her oatmeal, turning it a dark purple, in cutting her food for her, in mixing MiraLAX into her coffee…

I’m not a religious person but every morning that I get to complete this ritual, I feel blessed.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh, such a familiar post. You made me cry this morning remembering my time caregiving for my mother. We had the same uneasiness about the medications, and the same challenges and sorrows as we watched her fading and losing her abilities. But we also knew that our time together was short and spent time it wisely, speaking about things we might not have been willing to otherwise. I think what you are doing, the caregiving and the transcribing of her diaries, is a beautiful thing. xox

    Liked by 2 people

  2. arlingwoman says:

    Not just blessed, I think, but giving blessings as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. That’s sweet.

      Like

  3. nice2beme says:

    I understand your routine. My granny doesn’t move. She can only lay down or sit on her bad. Few years ago she fell down and broke her lang, since that time she is immobilised, and we need to be her arms, eyes, legs, shoppers etc. It is hard to know that we can’t really help with that. She doesn’t like to appear in such a view in front of us, but we can’t do anything with it. She is around 89 and sometimes her speech is not distinctive, but I understand that communication could help her make the day brighter. Few ears ago, before she fell down in her flat, she was serving herself by her own, slowly, but it was her daily routine and something to do. Now she can’t do more of the necessary things. I wish we could prevent her fall somehow… Take care and I wish a strong health to both of you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can’t prevent it. I’ve learned that you just can’t. The way you are your family are there for her when it’s the most difficult is everything you can do. And it’s a big thing and full of love.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. nice2beme says:

        Yes, you are right. But you know that feeling when you want to get back her happy days on her own legs, but can’t =/

        Liked by 1 person

  4. vinneve says:

    God bless you more! I believe a person who really love their parents will be given some blessings 🙂 it is true for me and some people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. I already have those blessings! <3!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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