My life can’t just be simple: Go to work, come home, help to take care of my grandmother, spend time with husband, cook and clean and take care of myself. For many reasons and due to many X factors, it isn’t like that at all, the first three are the only ones that happen with any consistency, and I am making some big moves and some life altering changes. I’m quitting my teaching job at the end of the year and I know exactly how I feel about it – every. single. emotion. In big heaps, all the time, like a carousel one day and an avalanche the next. I am pretty sure it needs to be done, I think… For these reasons:
To have more time for caretaking.
To have more time for my writing.
To have more time for self care.
The middle one scares me the most. I am going to make a life of writing and hopefully in the process a career. I have no idea how to do that.
Writing is something I talk about a lot with Babu. I believe she is a born writer but for whatever reasons, never chased it. Her writing would have been formal and traditional, like her, but I think it would have been beautiful.
I tell her about my dreams and goals and once got in a conversion about how I don’t feel I’m any good.
Babu has a way of distilling things sometimes with a simple, earth shattering, easy statement.
“Don’t think about it.” She told me, “Just do it.”