Have you ever got something started, or something got started with out your say so, and it’s still young and tender and you know that if you leave it, it stands the danger of withering before it really got started?  I could be talking about my garden, about how hard it is to plant seeds instead of seedlings, but no.  I think I’m talking about Babu and Jakey.  Potentially.  And maybe that’s what happened with Benny, too.  He is still not out of sight out of mind.

Monday, September 12th, 1938
Late hours over the weekend have given me a headache today.  We all worked overtime for a while getting an R.F.C. loan out.  Jennie Bragril and I rode on the trolley.  Ernie told me Jeb has property out in Iowa and California.  Washed my hair and played the piano for a while.  Wonder if Benny has gone back to school yet.

I’ve said it before, but I love these plain, boring days as much as I love the wild all hours of the night, driving cars or tandem bikes at break neck speed kind of days.  I love to see what thoughts creep in in her solitude.

Monday, September 19th, 1938
Jakey and I are on the “outs.”  I went over to see Nellie tonight and he and Billy Veale came in.  Billy spoke but he didn’t so neither did I.  Stayed till ten talking with Nellie, Dolly Isabel, and Nellie’s mom.  Nat and Zosh were up I guess cause Nat left a lovely black patent leather bag she got for me in New York.

When I first read this passage, I felt that Babu must have been exaggerating, finding a problem where there was none.  As I have let this passage sit with me, I’m starting to feel just as paranoid.  Could he be angry with her?  Could there be a reason for his dismissiveness?  Are they going to be over before they got a chance to begin?

Sunday, September 25th, 1938
I wish I knew why Jakey dislikes me.  He hasn’t said anything but when I see him it pains him to say hello, if he does at all.  Jimmy and Alice took us out riding to see the wreckage around the towns.  Nat, her brother John, and I saw “Marie Antoinette” tonight.  He took us.

It must not feel good to feel this way.  No more walking to Florida with this man, I guess.