I am the stillness admist.

houseI had a dream last night that I lived in a glowing and warm home made of modern design with large glass panels for walls and dark wooden beams for structure.  The lights inside the house were lit and glowed an inviting amber, filling the house with radiance.  It was dark outside and I was standing there basking in the light from this beautiful home.  Only feet away was another small, square house, exactly the same as mine, and that’s where Babu lived.

I was listening to my husband’s voice, disconnected.  I’m unsure where it was coming from and he was upset.  Two family members were with Babu and they were causing a row.  They were needing things, questioning things, changing the routine, and doing our routine procedures wrong.  He talked fast, no periods to his sentences, oscillating between blaming them for being ogres and blaming himself for not giving clear instructions.

My mother was on the phone screaming.  Not at me, but loosing herself in a primal yell full of anger and hurt.

Through it all I was listening and silent.  I was looking calmly at the beautiful house and moving toward Babu’s to be the one to take care of her amid the chaos, completely untouched by it.

I pulled the phone down from my ear and looked down the street.  My neighborhood was crowded,  both sides of the street, with tall, multifamily houses rising up a hill.  I heard a swelling noise from a few houses over, most likely the sound of people arguing, a lot of people.  It all felt ominous, like something bad was rolling toward me, but I was observing.  Trying to make out details in the storm of sound so I could solve whatever it was, or run for cover.

So many things about the dream seem like disconnection.  Our house disconnected from Babu’s, me disconnected from the people in panic around me, a sound from far away that I couldn’t discern…Even still, I felt calm and connected to it all.

I stood between the two houses, connecting them, highly observant and in control.  Almost all of the people I love most were with me.  I had them, I was listening, and I felt that, although I was silent, I was solving their problems.  I felt powerful.

In this world, I don’t feel that important, still, this dream was telling me that I’m capable of helping with all of these problems.

 

From the daily prompt:  connected

 

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