Two Thoughts on Caretaking

  1.  Take time for yourself.  Certainly the biggest cliche of them all, but the most difficult one, for me.  I trained myself recently in a small way that matters.  Babu has “dinner” at 3:30-4:00.  On days when my husband and I are both working we have someone “cover” for us and that person usually needs to go no later than 3:30.  So most of the time I would have to come directly home from job one – teaching and managing all the chaos that comes with that! – to job two – making dinner and chitchatting with Babu.  Really not a big deal, at all, but it was beginning to become a token, a bad focusing point in my mind.  I realized that it was legitimate for me to feel like I needed to sit for a moment after a long work day and “transition.”  The last few times I was in this position I came home, remembered to thank the person who came to help, and I’d go upstairs.  I would decompress for a half hour to almost an hour, even if it was getting past 4:00 which used to be the latest Babu would ever have dinner.  I just pushed it a little and the three or four times I did that when I went down stairs, she was always fine with it.  She hadn’t even noticed.  She wasn’t down stairs clutching her belly in hunger pains, or trying to get up and do it for herself.  I was making a big deal out of nothing but that 15-20 minutes really restored me.  It was good to be a little selfish and then I’d be much more present and pleasant with her and I would take more time talking with her over dinner.  I don’t know why it was so hard for me to do such a small thing, but that little bit of resentment is now gone and a little bit of the stress as well.
  2. Take your time.  Just give it up.  Old people move slow and you are just going to move slow with them.  This is one of the best things – not the best but one of – that she gives me as I care take for her.  I have to slow down, and that is healthy! This video is the best possible explanation of what I’m talking about.  I realize in my time with her, because there isn’t any way – any kind way anyway – to rush her, I sink in and value the moments more.  My reflection and perspective widens more.  My heart beat stops its usual panicked rush.  It’s even good for my writing.  During this month, for no reason, I decided to post every day.  Confession:  I post ahead as much as I can.  The work week gets crazy and I desire to achieve my self imposed #bloggoals.  But that can make my writing shallow – and certainly poorly edited.  Thankfully, the very way I laid out the pattern for the blog requires me to take time out with her to read and talk about her journal passages.  Again, thoughtfulness, reflection, and mindfulness can set in.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. barbwit says:

    Makes such a difference, and you earned it. Now if I can only last out this week, I should have a bit of down time ahead.


    1. You can make it! Hope you enjoy your down time.


  2. I remember being where you’re at with my Mom. I realized that I had learned to slow down and be in the moment with her. It was so good because those moments are finite. You are growing and maturing and deepening as a person through your care giving. Peace!


    1. Lovely thought said in a lovely way. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

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