Not Until Marriage

There’s been some talk in these pages that I’ve left out.  It’s talk like this:

Thursday, September 7th, 1939
Jakey was certainly in a love-ly mood. Couldn’t get enough. Only for a while he put the lights out and I asked for them back.

Now, I am not here to dish on the juicy details of Babu’s love life, and it’s very awkward to read about it and more so to write about it.  I am choosing to write about it today because it is either a very “lovely” thing about their relationship, or a sign of the morals of the time.  Now, I am no anthropologist, and I am not even a historian, but…was it really expected that people, women at least, wait until marriage?  And people followed it?  It’s so old fashioned!  I also think it’s so romantic these little blurbs about them wanting to, but not.

Obviously not the image to go with this September post, but it was fitting for our actual weather!

I also believe, from what I’ve heard about “old fashioned ideals” that Babu’s choice, and the choice she has made all the way up to this point, decided the outcome of her life.  Quite possibly.  A woman’s reputation was everything.  And for some women that was all they had.  Some women, like Babu, like many, maybe most, of the women of the time, gave up their jobs when they became wives.  Who they married meant everything to their fate and their reputation meant everything to who they married.

I don’t know if she made that decision for that reason, because society just flat out expected it and she never questioned that, or because of her Catholic faith.  It doesn’t matter.  I would judge her no differently if it were different.  I’m not just reflecting on this in writing because it’s how I process my reflection, or because I am sharing details of her life to honor it.  Two of the many purposes of this project are to learn about Babu as a complete person, and the learn about history.  I think this passage is very telling of both.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. It doesn’t seem strange to me. My mother who would be 96 now if she had lived would not have dreamed of having sex before marriage. “Nice” girls were not supposed to. I know a lot did anyway but it was frowned on. I think World War II changed a lot of that as people started to think that life could be short and they had better not waste time.
    I also chose to wait not for religious reasons. I’m not religious and nore was mum but because it seemed the proper thing to do.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks for sharing this insight. Thanks for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

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