I began writing this post almost a month ago. Since the prominent theme in my life lately is change, I left the post how it was when I started it. It is updated at the bottom, so read to the end, a lot has changed!
Dog Days Mondays might have to be a thing again!
Here is Stella!
She is a FOSTER. I am NOT ATTACHED. Husband and I are giving her a test run and seeing if things will work out.
If you don’t remember, I had this boy, Cort:
You can read about some of that unfortunate drama here:
I did try, really hard, but Cort was not a fit for this house. I’m surprised I never wrote about how it all turned out. I guess I didn’t want to update because I was really ashamed at not being able to give this dog what he needed. I gave up on a dog, a living creature, and he really did love me, despite his behavior. It makes me very sad to even see pictures of him. I’m surprised I still feel so heart broken about it, but I do.
For a while I resentfully gave up the idea of having a dog although it means so very much to me. Adam and I have been at odds about getting a dog. He says we can do it, but he is not a dog person. And, with an almost 100 pound part Rottweiler like Stella, he’s a bit afraid. Stella, if you know no better, is a scary dog. She’s HUGE and has a loud bark. Not to mention, when she kisses you she’s so excited to do so it’s almost like a little slap to your face.
And, my luck would have it, Stella doesn’t love Adam, just like Cort didn’t. Completely unlike Cort, Stella is willing to enter negotiations. I’m not surprised most dog react the way they do to him because when he enters a room with a dog in it, he’s not happy to see the dog. That shows. (I think this can change and will with Stella if she is the right choice for us.) I understand his stance. We are over loaded with responsibility, busy with a lot to do, and crises can happen at any moment. I understand the feeling when you just don’t have room for any more emotionally or energy wise.
As I began up this installment, again, I thought again about whether this blog is the place for this topic. I decided it is. As I couldn’t stop crying the other night because I was worried this and any dog still wouldn’t work out, just like last time, a part of me hovered over this girl who could NOT STOP CRYING over this. Over wanting and maybe not being able to have a dog. I kept asking myself why it means so much. This blog is about Babu and my life here as a caretaker. The desire for a dog, in some part, plays into this.
I think I will dive more into that another day. Possibly next Monday. But for now, I wanted to record the beginning of this journey, again. Stella is not a sure thing and I have to be wise and fair in judging what the right dog will be under our circumstances. I think it’s no surprise that my fingers are crossed. I’m rooting for you Stella!
UPDATE:
We were fostering Stella and we learned, rather quickly, that she is the dog for us, for sure! I must have began writing this post after only having Stella in the house for a day or two because that was about all it took for Stella to fall in love with Adam. She licked his knee once and it was all over. She loves him…and he loves her! But the best part is how much Stella and Babu are in love with one another!
I just read a post from an acquaintance on Facebook. She has been living in New York for about a year and I remember her posting about moving there and I could tell it was important to her. Now, after less than a year, she is moving back here with her parents. She posted honestly about how sometimes you need to step back, gain perspective, regroup, and then try again. It hit me because that’s how I felt about Cort. Sometimes you have to do something that feels like failure and, as long as you don’t give up, it’s part of a journey that leads you to the right place. On this couch next to Stella is the right place.
P.S. I didn’t give Cort back fully until I knew he was with a good family. The woman at the adoption agency sent me a pic of the family that fell in love with him and I just know he is in a better place. And hey, someone had to give up Stella. I’m sure it was a hard choice for them, too. But I can tell you her journey was meant to end up with me and she is a very happy girl.
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