Uncomfortable: Part One

Now that I feel I truly exhausted February, March, and the beginning of April, it’s time I move on to some pages that were a bit more uncomfortable to read and left me wondering how would I write about them.  Writing about what is in these pages means writing about Babu.  No matter what I do, it means passing judgement on her character.  As the keeper of this family’s story, I pass judgement on everyone in these pages.   I certainly never intended that, but here I am.  These pages have weight.  Whether I jumped on board to call Adele Janik an antagonist when all she ever did wrong was to get the boy Babu wanted, or give the side eye to Jeb who seems to be in a long process of breaking Ernie’s heart.  I can sometimes forget these are real people and this account is first person, and the narrator is, like all first person narrators,  not completely reliable.  I was born and raised on, educated about, and seek to emulate the structure of story so I look for heroes and villains.  Babu, of course, is no hero, but what if there ever ends up being a clear villain?  Babu is none to happy with Jakey in the next few months and it rests on my shoulders to interpret it.  I guess, I don’t have to.  I can candy coat it and only show this blog world the pretty times.  Hell, I could scandalize it, maybe a few more views?  I could try to mitigate and justify and explain away, trying to give these “characters,” (AKA real people,) just enough three dimensionality to be “good writing” but leave them still shining, for their grandchildren and so forth.  For the moment when someone reads this blog and comes across a name of a minor character, or major, and says: “That’s my…!”

How will I proceed?  Yes, some mitigation will happen.  But I’m here to tell a story, a story of real people, flawed people, lives actually lived and though I will attempt to tell it as cleanly and truthfully as possible, I will be gentle, I will shine understanding onto it.  I will respect these people.  I will give you the perspective I have of these people, those I’ve come to know living in this home and those I’ve never met, gone long before I got a chance to meet them.  And that perspective is that I love them.  I accept them.  I’d like to show you why.

Don’t worry.  I have no horror to share with you, nothing infuriating.  Just the musing of a 22 year old woman sorting out how she really feels about a guy she just might marry.  The thoughts are intimate, and honest, as she thought they would never be shared.  As I think ahead, there may come large transgressions.  Things may come to light.  Someone may end up letting some people down or failing. Maybe the largest lesson to learn here is that people make mistakes.  But people still, these people for certain, leave a legacy.  This legacy is mostly one of love and it has echoed down, all the way through me, and maybe someday farther than that.

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. Val says:

    I think the thing to bear in mind is that at that age, people are very flawed – they’re still coming into themselves, still finding themselves, so what happens to her and the people around her at that time might not be the responses she’ll have later. So – act accordingly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. You are very wise. I will act accordingly! “works in progress” are what I call us humans at that age. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. inmycorner says:

    Oh – I am SOOO looking forward to reading your posts! I did the same thing with my father’s journal and have almost finished the editing of it. I walked with him the same way – as he was a 22 year-old young man who was just entering as a pilot into WWII!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OH MY!!!!!!! Is there anything of that You have posted anywhere? Are you waiting to compile it into a book and not looking to put it out into the world? If it’s something you plan to share or have shared, I would love to read it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. inmycorner says:

        I posted some stories – wrote them as he dictated them to me before he passed away. I only had two months of that. But none of his actual journal has been published – yet. This was the site where we posted a few of his stories. They morphed into other memories and travels until I decided to get my own blog site. Hope you enjoy: https://captainduff.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/lobster-air/

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you I will check this out!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Annie C says:

    “A story of real people, flawed people, lives actually lived and though I will attempt to tell it as cleanly and truthfully as possible”. These are the best stories, not the candy coated ones, because that’s where we find the connection to our own flawed selves, yes?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very apt observation. Thank you and thank you for all the views and likes.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Annie C says:

        I’m catching up on my reading 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That really means a lot that you are this interested in these writings. Thank you so much.

        Liked by 1 person

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