Ch-ch-ch- Changes

As I’m progressing through transcribing the fourth year, I’ve observed some things that have changed in the last almost four years.

“Drobey” has become “Drobe” and she never calls him “Caveman” anymore. In fact, she talks less and less about him. She seems clear now on how she feels about him. She is not interested.

She used to have at least one nickname for everyone. Now she has dropped them.

Speaking of people she talks less about, she repaired her friendship with Jeanette yet they just don’t seem to be in the same circle any longer.

She rarely talks directly to “Dearest Diary” any longer. It must seem childish to her now, but I miss it. She also isn’t trying to be flowery as much any longer with her passages.

She begins to forget the name of the second movie in the double feature. She has left it blank a few times now. Something she never used to do.

She talks of herself and her friends as “kids.” That might suggest that she feels young, but her awareness of it is showing growing maturity. It’s as if she is slowly drifting up until one day she’ll be above it and no longer a “kid.”

She leaves open space on entries. What used to be a rare occurrence is happening more and more. She writes: “Nothing interesting happens now” in late August and then in the following months she expounds less and less.

I don’t think these changes have as much to do with sadness from Benny leaving or a settled depression caused by growing up, I just think she’s growing up, and that is all. She has just gone through a large transition, leaving school forever, but I see in these months that she has gotten her groove back. It’s a slightly older groove. But only slightly.